I talk a lot about my stories. I mentioned in my post the other day that I have been completely unable to get my mind tethered into the real world for the past week or so. Whether I'm at work or at home, my brain is floating like a Huxley without a mooring rope. I can't seem to get it to grab onto anything tangible. Now, if this all stayed in my head, it wouldn't be so much of a problem, but I find myself wandering out of my room at random moments, going up to Skrybbi whether she's cooking, watching TV, knitting, cleaning, or doing homework, and spilling out some random idea I've just come up with for whatever book I'm working on at the moment.
Sometimes I'm trying to feel out whether or not this idea works. Is it funny? Is there an inherent problem? Does it read like something out of a Twilight fanfic? I don't always know what I'm looking for when I share my ideas, but I do this constantly. Lately, it's all I really do besides ask "How was your day?" I feel really bad about that, because I want to be a considerate friend and roommate, and not just that girl who sequesters herself in a room and appears only when she needs something.
And I worry about how this affects my relationships. It may not seem like I do, because I often keep concerns like this to myself until I have a clear way to express it.
When I brought up this concern to Skrybbi last night, she said:
|This is what I'm afraid folks are really thinking...|
"To be fair, I knew this would happen when I decided to move in with you. I really don't mind, as long as I can make teriyaki chicken with one hand, fend off kitties with another, and respond to you with 'Mhmm! Hahaha. Mhmm,' It's not that I'm not paying attention, but if I don't see an inherent problem, I'm probably just going to thumbs up."
Now, Skrybbi is probably one of the nicest people I know. I don't think she would even really tell me it bothered her as long as it was merely annoying, rather than a serious asshole move. She's an INFP, which http://www.personalitypage.com/
tells us exhibits the following traits:
"Generally thoughtful and considerate, INFPs are good listeners and put people at ease. Although they may be reserved in expressing emotion, they have a very deep well of caring and are genuinely interested in understanding people. This sincerity is sensed by others, making the INFP a valued friend and confidante. An INFP can be quite warm with people he or she knows well. INFPs do not like conflict, and go to great lengths to avoid it. If they must face it, they will always approach it from the perspective of their feelings. In conflict situations, INFPs place little importance on who is right and who is wrong. They focus on the way that the conflict makes them feel, and indeed don't really care whether or not they're right. They don't want to feel badly."
In other words, I worry that, wheras an INFP like Skrybbi would say "I don't mind, as long as I don't have to give it my undivided attention", anyone else would be like:
Which is probably why I'm rooming with Skrybbi and not, say, the next Sith Lord Who Must Not Be Named.
To be honest, Skryb's ability to ignore, feed, pet, and quietly euthenize the plot bunnies scampering aorund me all the time is probably the reason she's one of my closest friends. Still, I worry. I know I fangirl my own world and characters--I think that's good. I love what I write.
But does loving something and thinking about something all the time really give me leave to talk about it constantly? Sometimes I feel like a fangirl in my own world, blabbing about possibilities and theories and plot-bunnies to roommates who aren't in the fandom. I feel bad for not being able to talk about other things. Even when I try.
I'm an INTP, which means that I will talk and talk until I feel that I have adequately and completely expressed what I want to say without any misunderstandings. I would honestly rather say nothing than misrepresent something. Because it's so important to me that every pertinent piece of information is given (otherwise, how can I expect someone to fully understand it?), I find myself either talking too much, or clamming up and making excuses.
My mom used to get on me about my ability to filibuster on certain subjects, and though I'm apparently not as bad about it as certain other family members (who will not be named, but know who they are ;) ), she worried that it would affect me socially. Granted, this was not usually about my writing, but about things I enjoyed. And yes, it probably did affect me socially. I became more sensitive to when people were starting to lose interest, but rather than causing me to figure out how to put everything more succinctly, I just truncate the entire conversation without closing off any threads the second I pick up on the slightest boredom.
People who don't know me very well often ask what my stories are about. I've come up with a few short responses thanks to all the query-letter writing and motivation-sentence work I've done. But I've started prefacing my explanations with a warning: "If your eyes glaze over, just slap me and tell me to shut up."
Maybe that's a poor way to begin explaining a story, since it will automatically put someone on edge, but I'm really sensitive to the feeling that I'm boring people. I don't want to waste anyone's time. I know there are plenty of people who enjoy hearing everything detail of a story, including the "meanwhile" and "let me back up a bit"s, but I know most people aren't like that.